Excited.

Right now, I’m tired of that word. Everyone says it to me. “Are you excited??!”

Yes, and no. Right now, I don’t love the fact that I’m moving in four weeks. Everyone assumes I’m excited. They may be right. After all, I usually agree nicely, “yes, I am excited.” However, I am not ONLY excited. I am not jumping up and down excited. I am actually very sad about all the beautiful people and places that I am leaving behind. And honestly, the main question I ask myself is, “Am I crazy??”

Let me modify that one statement. I said I am not jumping up and down excited. That means I don’t FEEL super excited. (I said I was sick of that word.)

A lovely girl named Beth showed me something very profound recently. It’s the verse, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5) I’d known the verse for years, but not the way Beth explained it.

She explained it like this: My own understanding of situations in my life is so shallow and limited. I see from a foggy perspective. But God sees the whole picture. I need to trust that His understanding is infinite. To trust that He knows all the best things for me. In His understanding of my life, there is something incredibly beautiful ahead. Something that brings glory to Him and joy to me.

My own understanding, right now, is that I’m leaving almost everyone, every place, everything I love behind. That God is leading me away from my heart. Not that I’m not anticipating my new life* in NYC, but I’m also confused and sad about leaving. But His understanding is so much bigger than mine. And I know that in the big picture, through ways I know not now, He is leading me closer to His heart. And so, I trust. I don’t know what He’s doing. All I know is that He knows what He’s doing.

Maybe, just maybe, I’m not so tired of the word excited after all. What else can you be when you serve such a big God??

“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever. Do not forsake the work of your hands.” Psalm 138:8

*For now, my plans are to stay there about a year, but I have a feeling life will never be the same again. (That may very well be a good thing.)